The Four-Pound Nugget Toss (with loud, barbaric grunt)
Jonah has ventured into territory I have never encountered: Constipation. I really didn’t know how to handle this, so I came up with a couple ideas. I told Sunday that we could begin feeding him prunes. Since Jonah hasn’t even had rice cereal yet, Sunday didn’t think prunes were a good idea. My next idea was more of a “tactile approach.” We could pick up Jonah and squeeze his gut.
I was thinking toothpaste tube.
Sunday was thinking no.
While we discussed ways of getting more poop out of Jonah, he worked on it himself. We could tell he was working on a particularly gnarly nugget when a vein popped out on his forehead and a grunt came from his little chest like he was forcing a chunk of concrete through his small body. It was sad. And a little funny.
I don’t know why, but Jonah’s constipation became a contest where Jonah didn’t know he could win or lose, but we kept score. With every diaper change, we would ask, “Nugget?” Exhilaration came with every “No nugget” response and every small dark smelly chunk in his diaper brought dejection. I never thought I’d get excited over someone else’s bowel movement, but Jonah changed all that.
As a remedy for his “nugget” problem, we put dark Karo syrup—a.k.a. molasses—in his bottle. When that quit working, we gave him apple juice. When that quits working, we’ll just have to knock the poop out of him. (Just kidding).
The Extended Reaching Position
In this event, balance is required most, because Jonah attempts to reach toward things he shouldn’t touch. Old magazines, books from the library, dirty underwear and used diapers are all things Jonah has reached for. He also reaches for earrings, bras, toes, bugs, and little balls of dust. Jonah finds his own toes and hands interesting things to reach for, but his hands are harder to grab.
The Reach and Taste
Like the Clean-and-Jerk in Olympic competition, the Reach and Taste of Jonah’s Olympics combines two very difficult moves into one fluid motion. I don’t know why the extended reaching position transitions nicely into the “I think I’ll put it into my mouth now” thought. In fact, I believe Jonah has put into his mouth the following items: his feet, his hands, pens (2), a sock, the toe of my boot, his pacifier, his blanket, snoopy (stuffed animal), the corner of my Bible, a lemon, his bottle, chest hair (eeewwww….), and anything else he seems to want to taste.
Jonah now views the world through his taste buds, and this stage, according to the world-famous child psychologist Dr. Piaget, lasts the rest of his life.