Although we had
confidence in Dad’s diagnosis, we were a tad skeptical. At that moment, however, Mom pulled into the
driveway. Again, I can’t remember who
told Mom that Luke “almost cut off his nose” but it must have been one of us
liars.
To us, Luke wasn’t
that bad, at least as compared to the other ways we’d injured ourselves. Mom took one look at Luke and said, “We need
to go to the hospital.”
While we boys were
thrilled to see some of our old friends at the emergency room, we were confused
at Mom’s diagnosis. Dad was there. He heard the story—that Mom didn’t
believe—and he cleaned the cut, so that should have been the end of the story.
Yet Mom thought we
needed some professional assistance.
Most of the time Dad
or Mom made a decision, the other didn’t come home and veto. I have heard other houses work on this
system, whereby one parent makes a hard-and-fast rule establishing a lifetime
ban on an activity just long enough for the other parent to come along and blow
the whole thing to bits. Not so with my
folks.
Mom and Dad knew
about this whole “divide and conquer” mentality that kids have. They’d been kids before. They knew that some parents would rather cave
into the whining and pleading of the children instead of holding onto rules and
parental decrees. They knew those
parents existed, but my Mom and Dad shunned such actions.
While they knew
about “divide and conquer,” they also knew about “the unified front.”
For the
uninitiated, “the unified front” sounds like some Cold War underground
operation that fought against Soviet infiltration of the garment industry—or
something like that. (Those Soviets were
into everything!). No, “unified front”
simply meant that my Mom and Dad shared the same “party line” when it came to
parent/child communications. If Mom laid
down the law, Dad knew about it and robustly defended it. The same with Mom.
With expectations
that Mom would continue to support the unified front—and with blood seeping out
from under the band-aids on Luke’s nose—we were shocked, SHOCKED!, at Mom’s
declaration. She thought we should go to the hospital. She had gone against
what Dad had said. The unified front has
been broken, we all thought.
We watched for
signs of an argument or a closed-door meeting in the other room. Neither happened. Dad calmly walked to the car, and we
followed.
When we arrived, it
was like homecoming at church, with hugs and kisses from long-lost friends. We’d had a relatively uneventful month of
June, so we had grown a few inches since the last time we’d been in the
emergency room.
When the nurse took
off the band-aids, she remarked, “These band-aids were a good idea to keep this
cut closed until you got to the emergency room.” Mom looked at Dad accusingly and Dad smiled
with confidence.
Dad didn’t think
Luke needed stitches at all, while Mom thought she could see the frontal lobe
of Luke’s brain through the cut. When
the doctor came in the room—it was actually a curtained-off area where we could
peek at the mutilated and intoxicated on either side of our little rectangle of
concrete floor—he took one look at the cut and said, “Wow, who did this to
you?”
Luke smiled, mostly
because somebody thought he’d been in a fight bad enough for the cut on his
nose. To tell the truth, none of us had
been in a fight that bad yet, but Joe and I could lie well enough to at least
convince people we had been. Poor Luke—bad
liar.
When the doctor
reached for the needle, we knew that Mom was right and we knew that the unified
front was over. At least we thought we
knew.
There’s something
about my parents that we didn’t know about:
while they agree on the rules of the house, they maintain those rules
differently.
Need some help with
homework? Mom’s your best bet. Dad has the attention span of a fruit fly
when it comes to stuff like making posters or memorizing the Gettysburg
Address.
Gonna get
punished? Gamble on Dad. Mom’s just too creative to risk a punishment
on. She might think up something weird
like having you dig an irrigation ditch with a baby spoon or something.
Are you sick, or
injured? Well, we found out which one we
needed to go to: Mom.
After the doctor
finished stitching Luke’s nose, he ended up with eight stitches. Luke didn’t get a stitch or two just to
close the up the wound or to make his face look right again. The doctor wasn’t humoring anybody. Luke got eight stitches legitimately. The boy actually needed them.
It took us about
two seconds to reflect on the situation:
Dad was way off in his diagnosis.
Our world began to spin. We had a
million questions. Did this mean that Dad
was going to be off on everything? Could
we trust him to “feel our head” for a fever or to look at our throats to see if
we had malaria? Standing in that
hospital, we had our answer: no way.
Before you get too
rough on old Dad, remember: he’s not Mom. He has a major definition deficiency when it
comes to sickness or injury. He went to
the same school of diagnosis that football coaches and drill sergeants attend. In fact, most of his diagnoses were
flashbacks from his days as a boxing coach.
He couldn’t read the nuances of health that many professional must be
able to read. He couldn’t just take a
look at one of us and know we were sick.
Mom could. Dad could not.
Even obvious stuff
like a chopped up nose gets by Dad. Like
a colorblind man who can’t tell the difference between brown and red, Dad has a
difficult time determining what an injury is and what is not.
After Luke got his
stitches, we tested the “unified front” and we failed. They were still as unified as ever, and we
discovered that fact quickly. When we
got hurt or sick, though, we didn’t ask Dad’s opinion. And Luke was more careful about how he put
his toys away.