The Four-Pound Nugget Toss (with loud, barbaric grunt)
Jonah has
ventured into territory I have never encountered: Constipation.
I really didn’t know how to handle this, so I came up with a couple
ideas. I told Sunday that we could begin
feeding him prunes. Since Jonah hasn’t
even had rice cereal yet, Sunday didn’t think prunes were a good idea. My next idea was more of a “tactile
approach.” We could pick up Jonah and
squeeze his gut.
I was
thinking toothpaste tube.
Sunday was
thinking no.
While we
discussed ways of getting more poop out of Jonah, he worked on it himself. We could tell he was working on a
particularly gnarly nugget when a vein popped out on his forehead and a grunt
came from his little chest like he was forcing a chunk of concrete through his
small body. It was sad. And a little funny.
I don’t
know why, but Jonah’s constipation became a contest where Jonah didn’t know he
could win or lose, but we kept score.
With every diaper change, we would ask, “Nugget?” Exhilaration came with every “No nugget”
response and every small dark smelly chunk in his diaper brought
dejection. I never thought I’d get
excited over someone else’s bowel movement, but Jonah changed all that.
As a remedy
for his “nugget” problem, we put dark Karo syrup—a.k.a. molasses—in his
bottle. When that quit working, we gave
him apple juice. When that quits
working, we’ll just have to knock the poop out of him. (Just kidding).
The
Extended Reaching Position
In this
event, balance is required most, because Jonah attempts to reach toward things
he shouldn’t touch. Old magazines, books
from the library, dirty underwear and used diapers are all things Jonah has
reached for. He also reaches for earrings,
bras, toes, bugs, and little balls of dust.
Jonah finds his own toes and hands interesting things to reach for, but
his hands are harder to grab.
The
Reach and Taste
Like the
Clean-and-Jerk in Olympic competition, the Reach and Taste of Jonah’s Olympics
combines two very difficult moves into one fluid motion. I don’t know why the extended reaching
position transitions nicely into the “I think I’ll put it into my mouth now”
thought. In fact, I believe Jonah has
put into his mouth the following items:
his feet, his hands, pens (2), a sock, the toe of my boot, his pacifier,
his blanket, snoopy (stuffed animal), the corner of my Bible, a lemon, his
bottle, chest hair (eeewwww….), and anything else he seems to want to taste.
Jonah now
views the world through his taste buds, and this stage, according to the
world-famous child psychologist Dr. Piaget, lasts the rest of his life.