I’ve heard about a
woman’s intuition for quite a long time.
Everyone from Oprah from our own mother has discussed this “sensor” in a
woman, which has been either removed or not installed in men.
Sunday’s intuition
started sounding the alarm during Jonah’s tenth month, and I didn’t know what
was happening.
Here’s what was
going on.
I came home one day
and Sunday said, “Jonah has been terrible.
I couldn’t get him to sleep and he’s just been grouchy and I think he’s
got an ear infection.”
My brain translated
her message thusly: “Jonah’s grumpy.”
In my defense,
Jonah did not help his mother’s version of the story. Just as she’s describing his terrible
behavior, he’s looking at me, smiling pleasantly.
My response,
although honest, was not particularly uplifting: “He looks ok to me. Can I go run?”
There, in our
living room, Sunday contemplated leaving me for a cell phone. At least the cell phone listens when she
speaks.
She got that look
that says, “You will listen to me or the universe will crack in two.”
So, I listened,
more closely this time.
“He’s been grouchy
and he won’t sleep and I think he has an ear infection.”
“How do you know he
has an ear infection?”
“He pulls his
ears.”
“I haven’t seen any
ear pulling.”
“Well, he pulls his
ears.”
“So we should go to
the doctor because of one sleepless afternoon and some light, part-time ear
pulling?”
Since I was the one
who said that last thing, I took Jonah to the doctor. The result:
Severe ear infection.
As you can tell, I
am not entirely to blame for my lack of diagnosis skill. It’s inherited. My father was a terrible diagnoser of
illnesses, extreme and minor. I know
some of you are thinking, “Couldn’t he have inherited his mother’s diagnosis
skill?” My answer is a resounding, “Of
course not.”
This brings us to a
number of conclusions:
1. Jonah’s going to be very difficult to
diagnose. We’d heard ear infections were
the second coming of the black plague.
Tales of midnight screaming fits and inconsolable children were the
“coin of the realm” of ear infection stories.
Those things didn’t happen. One
afternoon of restlessness and some ear pulling, and Sunday had cracked the
case.
2. We, as adults, are getting gypped. Jonah’s medicine smells like bubble gum. Why can’t we get bubble gum medicine? I try to take Nyquil and I have a gag
reflex. Why can’t adult medicine taste
like Hubba Bubba instead of a skunk batch of Grannie’s Corn Squeazins? There are times when I’ve been tempted to
swig off his amoxicillin, but I have refrained.
3. Don’t ignore women’s intuition. My mother had it and my father simply
accepted that he didn’t have it. It’s
like Luke Skywalker and the force.
Sunday’s got the force and I am C-3PO, trying to keep up.
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